


I Need You

by CayCharming, HollyGlow



Series: Fragments of Life [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Ficlet Collection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-03 11:26:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CayCharming/pseuds/CayCharming, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollyGlow/pseuds/HollyGlow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week... A week of utter distance because Greg Lestrade had been the worlds biggest ass. Sherlock was tired of it and no matter what he was going to make John face their feelings. But he'd never been so afraid of something in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need You

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story that started it all - and by it I mean a hopefully long and glorious co-authorship with the amazing CayCullen. The format of this story is a little odd because it began as an Omegle chat. 
> 
> The scene at the beginning was written after the chat (which of course began with the texts) and we finished the story via e-mail. After which we dove straight into Save Him From Himself!
> 
> Thanks for stopping by! ~HG
> 
> Cast:  
> Sherlock - HollyGlow  
> John - CayCullen

**John was not home, Sherlock growled as he noticed, sweeping through the flat angrily. He _needed_ John. He needed to talk to him. They hadn't spoken since their dinner with Lestrade the week before and it was starting to drive him crazy. He sighed remembering the event in question. Lestrade had invited the two of them out to dinner and Sherlock had accepted at John’s pressuring despite his better judgment. They’d gone to a pub not far from Baker Street, where Lestrade preceded to drink too much and make an ass of himself.            **

**_“You know what I think?” Lestrade’s voice echoed as Sherlock recalled the evening. “I think that John here fancies you.” He’d thrown his arm around John but John had looked livid. Greg was laughing as he spoke, poking John in the shoulder. “But I think that you need more than a broken toy soldier.”_**

**_“Lestrade I advise you to shut your mouth.” Sherlock growled._ **

**_“No, you know it’s true. His little nightmares, his tremors… Come home with me Sherlock, I’ll show you why the Yard loves me.” Sherlock had felt John’s rage as John himself trembled and considered smashing Lestrade in the face._ **

**_“Let’s go John.” Sherlock grabbed his arm and escorted him out forcibly._ **

**_They’d returned home that evening and John had gone to bed without a word to Sherlock, slamming his door closed when he did. Things had been odd since then, with Sherlock barely seeing John until he was asleep; but they’d turned even stranger last night. Sherlock had heard John shouting from his room, heard the terror as John almost screamed. When Sherlock tried to enter his bedroom to comfort him from his nightmares, the door was locked. He’d considered breaking into the room (it would have been easy enough after all) but he decided against it, instead shouting for John until he’d woken. He never opened the door but told Sherlock he was fine and to go back to bed._ **

**John still hadn't returned from wherever he’d gone and Sherlock was growing agitated by the amount of emotion clawing its way through his chest. He needed to talk to John, John would understand - wouldn't he? He’d want to solve whatever this issue was and make things better again. He’d heard John try to start a conversation with him several times over the last few days but every time he turned to answer John had disappeared. He picked up his phone throwing himself haphazardly on the couch and ignoring the pain that shot through his back. He typed out a quick text, resting his fingers under his chin in his normal manner as he waited for a reply.**

_Where are you? SH_

**John sighed heavily as he heard the text alert from his phone. He pulled it out flipping it open and typing off a hasty reply as he tried to pay for the milk and jam he was purchasing for the flat. The machine was being difficult... Again.**

_At the store. You told me to go get milk, remember? JW_

 

                Ah yes, he had mentioned that they needed more milk, hadn't he? Well that was hours ago. What could possibly be taking so long?

_Yes well that was before I needed you here, obviously. When will you be home? SH_

_You need me to get you milk. You need me there. I’m not superman, Sherlock. If I can get this damn machine to take my money I’ll be home in fifteen minutes. JW_

_Yes, I know you aren't superman. He doesn't exist. You haven't gotten in another row with the machine have you? SH_

_That's not what I said that for. I meant that I can't be in two places at once. Hell, thinking about it now neither could Superman. It's not a row. It's just a disagreement. JW_

_Don't yell at the machines, John. People will think you've lost your mind. I know you can't be in two places at once, otherwise we wouldn't be having this discussion. I didn't mean to upset you._

_Is everything alright? SH_

 

                John was almost raging at the machine flipping between rage at the machine and anger at Sherlock's messages.

_I'm not yelling! It's yelling and everyone is staring. Christ, I want to strangle this bloody machine. You haven't upset me I'm just stressed, and that is not your fault. JW_

_Are you short on money again? Why didn't you take my card? SH_

The text was quickly followed by another: _Why are you stressed? SH_

_I have enough money to get milk. It just refuses to take it. Doesn't matter. A cashier finally helped me._ JW

 

Quickly followed by: It's _nothing, Sherlock. Really. Don't worry about it. JW_

_Enough to get milk? So you are short. I wondered with you picking up extra shifts. SH_

_It's obviously not nothing if you're having a row with the chip machine again. What is it? SH_

****

_I have rows with the chip machine all the time. You don't have to deduce my every movement. JW_

_I have to stay occupied somehow. We both know how this will end. Either you tell me or I'll tell you. SH_

_Well, I'm sure as hell not in the mood to talk about it so I guess you being all knowing, you'll have to tell me. JW_

_Your nightmares have been worse, haven't they? I heard you making a lot of noise last night but you'd locked your door. Obviously something has been weighing on your mind for awhile now but you don't seem to want to talk to me about it. It's been this way since we had dinner with Lestrade last week. SH_

_I'm fine. Alright. Just haven't been sleeping much. JW_

_I know that. SH_

John sighed as he flipped his phone open and saw that text. Of course he bloody knew. What didn't he know? He started back towards the flat as his phone chimed again.

_You've been very distant since that dinner. I know he upset you but why have you been distant with me? Are you upset that in his alcohol induced state he flirted with me? SH_

_Why would that upset me? I never said it upset me. I'm fine. Greg is just an ass when he's drunk and it pisses me off. JW_

_I don't know, John. But you've never locked your door before. I can't help you relax from your nightmares if I can't get in, now can I? SH_

_You don't have to help me when I have nightmares like I'm a child! There just stupid fucking nightmares and you don't have to deal with me when I have them! JW_

_You're not a child. You're a man who went to war. PTSD is quite common among veterans. You know that. You're not weak. SH_

****

_I don't have that anymore! I'm fine! My leg isn't even hurting. I don't have PTSD anymore. I can't. JW_

****

_John, it doesn't just go away. Just because Greg stupidly said something about it... You're the strongest person I know. But you need to stop bottling this up. Come home and talk to me. SH_

****

_Greg is an idiot who thinks he understands what war is like and he's lucky I didn't punch him in the face as soon as it came out of his mouth, Sherlock. JW_

****

_He would have deserved it. I don't agree with his assessment of the situation, however. SH_

****

_Then he started flirting with you which was completely obnoxious. He is obnoxious and I find it completely annoying how he conveniently doesn't remembering anything he did. JW_

****

_Obnoxious? That's an odd choice of description. He really ought not to drink so much. But this is about you John. You and how you're keeping me at a distance. What changed at dinner? SH_

****

_Nothing changed, Sherlock. Greg just really upset me, alright? Can't we just leave it there? JW_

****

_No, we can't. Because you hardly look at me even when you're talking to me and you locked your door. I thought you liked it when I slept near you, you said it kept the nightmares down. SH_

****

_I don't want to talk about this, Sherlock. If we do it will ruin everything. I'm not going to let that happen. JW_

****

_You do want to talk about it and you have for awhile now. Come home. SH_

****

_I am home. I'm sitting on the steps outside the flat door because I didn't want you to try to get me to talk about this as soon as I walked through the door. I still don't want to talk about it. JW_

****

_If you don't come inside I will come out there. You aren't the only one worried about ruining things. Are you really that afraid? SH_

****

_...I'm terrified. JW_

****

_It bothers me that you locked your door. That should mean something to you. SH_

****

_Do you want me to apologize? Fine. I'm sorry. But I had to do it. JW_

****

_No. I want you to think. Two minutes or I'm coming to get you. I'm tired of sitting locked inside this flat with all of this... I need you. SH_

John stood as soon as he read those last three words; he couldn't sit out in the cold when Sherlock said something like _that_. He stepped inside the flat avoiding Sherlock's gaze as he walked into the kitchen and put the milk and jam away. He wanted to be near Sherlock but he wouldn't talk about _it_. He couldn't. If he did things between them would be ruined. Even if they weren’t ruined at first... Well that didn’t mean it couldn't be ruined later. There were so many horrible things that could happen if he talked about _this_. He walked back into the living room and sat in his chair rigidly, he kept his eyes on the ground as he gripped the arms of the chair.

                                "I'm inside," he mumbled, realizing only after he said it how stupid it was to mention. Sherlock was behind him instantly, close to him but not touching him, following him as he moved around the flat. He was terrified of scaring him away. But his eyes burned into John as he read every detail of his body, his stance, his face. He was going to make John deal with this, because it was going to destroy them if they didn't. He knelt down in front of John, balancing on the coffee table.

                                "Physically, yes. But you're a million miles away in your mind. John, I don't _sleep_ in my room. It's for show. Do you think I don't already see what you're trying to hide?" John let his eyes close tight and he shook his head. No. He wasn't going to talk about this. He wasn't going to let things between them get ruined.

                                "I don't know what you think I'm trying to hide, Sherlock. If you feel like you know, go right ahead and tell me." He said flatly, his voice emotionless and cold. He opened his eyes but he still didn't look directly at Sherlock. His gaze went the window trying to think of anything else but what was going on right now. Sherlock slipped two fingers against John's cheek and _made_ him meet his own eyes.

                                "He was right wasn't he? You're not the only one John." Sherlock sighed and tried to let his pride go, tried to admit that this man, this wounded but beautiful man made him weak. "You're not the only one running from feelings." He forced out in a whisper. John stared at Sherlock for a moment before he closed his eyes and shook his head.

                                "No. I'm not running from anything. I am perfectly in touch with my feelings, Sherlock. I don't have to talk about them with _you_." He tried to make that sound cold and threatening but really it sounded small and upset. "You're reading into this too much."

"Rapid heartbeat," Sherlock said softly in his typical deducting voice but with a heavy sigh of annoyance. "Refusal to look me in the eyes, breathing elevated, layer of sweat coating your skin, and a tremor of fear in your voice; The chemical signs of love." Sherlock moved very slowly, in an effort to stop John from pulling away. He slid his hand down the length of John's arm and slowly moved his fingers so John could feel his pulse. It was pounding just as hard as his own heart was. Swallowing hard as his eyes tried to memorize every crease or line on John's face, tried to absorb every minute detail. Fear was pounding in his rib cage as he fought hard against the terrible possibility that John would run from this. "I'm reading it perfectly."

                John's chest began to tighten and he started to feel like he couldn't breathe. He shut his eyes even tighter because if he opened them an inch tears would come flowing out. He sucked in a deep breath but he didn't move from where he sat. He didn't pull away. He wanted to. He wanted to run upstairs and lock the door but he physically couldn't make himself move.

                                "Stop reading it. Just stop. You don't have to read it. Just leave things as they are, alright? I promise I'll go back to acting normal again. Just please leave this alone." He pleaded.

                                "Is it so horrible to consider being with me?" Sherlock asked in a tone that betrayed a level of hurt and humiliation that John had never heard before. His hands froze and a strange look crossed his face, his breath caught in his chest and his eyes glassing over some. "I'm trying to tell you how I feel John. I..." He suddenly didn't know what to do, so he looked down, the look on his face giving a clear impression that he was deeply affected by the situation.

                                "No, don't say it, Sherlock." John said suddenly, his eyes opening and tears flowing down his cheek. He placed his hands on Sherlock's shoulders and gripped him tightly. "Please, don't." He begged. "You say it and we'll never be the same." He whispered, the tone in his voice suggesting that the idea of them never being the same might break his heart. "Sherlock... Being with you isn't a horrible idea. What would happen later is. Something could happen and then we wouldn't be friends anymore and I can't bear that."

                                "I..." He looked back up, his voice cracking slightly as he forced the words out. "I can't... I wouldn't let you..." He clenched his fists, completely out of his element and frustrated beyond his rational limits. "We can't just pretend this doesn't exist between us John. If we don't talk about this... If we pretend that everything is normal we'll both just be hollow inside. I would..." He was almost panting for breath as he tried to find the _right_ words, the perfect thing to say that would make John see how they needed to talk about this. This was all so terrifying for him to begin with but this rejection was worse. "I won't give you up!" He hissed in a determined whisper. John could see the struggle he was putting Sherlock through and it was killing him. He hated to see Sherlock in any sort of distress. He moved his hands, wrapping them around his neck and letting out a shaken breath.

                                "You say that now but you could get bored with me. You get bored very easily, Sherlock. And I'm painfully ordinary." Still, he couldn't stop himself from burying his face in Sherlock's chest as he let out a sob. Sherlock's breath escaped his chest causing him to tremble noticeably as his arms quickly wrapped around John's body and crushed him into himself.

                                "I could never get bored of you John. All my life I've been able to remain detached," His voice cracked and he took another shaking breath, the fear slowly being replaced by hope, "Until you… Until you walked into the lab at Bart's. I... Even when I'm bored I turn to you. You're not ordinary at all; you're the most extraordinary person I have ever met." His voice was shaking and breathless, the fear evident but his grip on John very firm. "Please..." He begged. John shook his head still, even though Sherlock was saying the most remarkable things that both made his heart swell and ache at the same time, he was still terrified. He lifted his face to look up at Sherlock.

                                "What if something happens? Something bad between us? What if we get so angry that we don't want to be friends anymore? I-I-I can't be without you, Sherlock. I just can't." He was shaking with fear now and he tried to pull away from Sherlock but it was a worthless attempt. "It's safer to stay your friend. I'll never lose you if you're just my friend." It was his turn to wrap his arms around Sherlock's back and hug him tightly. "I can't be without you, Sherlock. Just the idea scares me to death."

                                "Nothing is going to happen. I'm the worst possible human being and you're still here. You still want to follow me around. I shot the wall, John. I put you in danger as soon as we met. I'm absolutely terrified. I have never felt this..." He paused, swallowing hard. "Anything like this before. I have been trying to figure out how to tell you for weeks. I... If I lose you..." He furrowed his brow, trying to put words to the swirling emotions inside of him. To name things he'd never thought he would feel or know. "I can't get angry at you, not for very long. The bigger fear would be you wanting something better..."

                                "Something better?" John asked with shock he looked up at Sherlock with confusion. "Better than you? There is no such thing." He said firmly. "You're the most brilliant, kind, and beautiful man in the world there is no one in this universe that could be better than you." In that simple sentence it was obvious how much he cared and he knew it. "You're perfect. There is no one that could be better than you. I'm lucky to even know you." He wiped his own tears away before hiding his face in Sherlock's chest again. Sherlock laughed slightly but a few tears fell on each cheek, his breath coming in shallow bursts.

                                "I'm not the wonderful man you think I am, John. I... Before you I felt like this was all beneath me. Not worth the effort. I couldn't have kept you out if I wanted to. You are the most amazing person I have ever seen in this world. You change the entire room when you enter it, but you never see that about yourself. I wouldn't be half the man I am, without you." He rubbed John's back, trying to comfort him, the words he was fighting hardest banging around in his chest, desperate to be set free. "I don't want to hurt you. So..." When he took his next breath the fear he was feeling was almost like another person standing in the room. "If you don't want me..." He couldn't force the rest of the sentence out, trying to convey that he would find a way to make things okay again. His throat was sticking and his eyes burning into John as he watched him, watched him to read the response not just in his words but in his body. John hugged Sherlock tighter, shaking his head firmly.

                                "I never said I didn't want you." He murmured into his chest. He moved his face so his ear was pressing against Sherlock's chest. He could hear the hard rapid heartbeat and for some reason it made him smile. "I want you more than anything, Sherlock. I would do anything; give anything and everything just to be with you." He wanted to be with Sherlock so badly but the fear still hung over him. But now, the wonderful things that Sherlock was saying were starting to make him want to forget about his fear. "You… You just have to promise that no matter what happens we'll always be together; as lovers, as friends, as whatever. We have to stay together."

                                "If I lose you..." He almost laughed, his breath evening some but still very shaky. "I would rather die than lose you." He whispered, letting one of his hands gently move to touch John's cheek. "I..." He wanted to say it, to say what he _desperately_ needed to say. "I can't go back from here John; I can't pretend I don't feel how I feel. That I don't..." He let out a slow breath and forced the words out. "I love you, John Watson. It terrifies me, it frustrates me, and it is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever." John let out shaky breath as some tears fell out of his eyes. They weren't tears of sadness anymore. They were of joy. An overwhelming feeling of love and warmth was starting to take over his body.

                                "I love you too." John said, sounding a tad nervous but he got it out. He stood up on his tip toes to brush his lips across his cheek a few times. "I love you more than anything, Sherlock." Sherlock was almost panting with relief as John spoke without hesitating he let his hand tighten against John's cheek and turned his face so they were staring in each other's eyes for a long moment.

                                "You are the most dangerous preoccupation I have ever had. You are incredible." He whispered, searching the depth of John's eyes for many things but mostly for permission to finally kiss him. "I swear to you, nothing in this world will ever come between us. Nothing," John felt as if he melted in Sherlock's hands. Any fear or worries faded away as he beamed up at the love of his life.

                                "The two of us against the world?" He asked, obviously filled with hope. 

                                "Always," Sherlock whispered, moving so his mouth was just barely separate from John's. "I have never wanted something so much, so painfully much as I have wanted this. You destroy my logic. You are _everything_." As hope filled Sherlock he regained some of his usual demeanor, but his eyes burned into John's full of love and desire. "This is your last chance, when I kiss you - I will consider you mine." John felt like he should be afraid of that idea of belonging to Sherlock. But he wasn't. The idea made him feel safe and warm. He would be Sherlock's. Nothing would ever be better than that. John decided to finally gain some control so he stood on the tips of his toes and kissed Sherlock gently.

                                "You're mine." He breathed against his lips, a slight smirk on his face. Sherlock groaned softly as his breath hitched, a smirk playing on the edge of his lips as he looked down in John's eyes.

                                "It is good to see you still have some fight in you." He teased softly, leaning down and claiming his lips in an intense and passionate kiss, his hands clawing into John's back. "I am quite sure I could never belong to anyone else." Fire flashed in his eyes as he gently nipped John's bottom lip. John couldn't help but moan into the heated kiss. He had never felt anything like it. As Sherlock nibbled on his lip he arched his back a little, pressing into Sherlock as he did. When Sherlock finally pulled away John grinned.

                                "You are very good at this considering the fact I thought this wasn't your area of expertise." He moved his hands down Sherlock's sides before he gripped the small of his back.

                                "It isn't my main area of expertise, but I wasn't always a consulting detective John," His lips just barely broken from his lovers. Sherlock groaned loudly as he felt John's touch move. "Instinct is what I have." His voice trembled as the lust raged through his body. "What about you? Just how much experience do you have?" He grinned. If John wanted control he was not about to make it easy. John smirked proudly.

                                "Well, not to brag Mr. Holmes but you've seen how many dates I've had so I think that speak loudly enough." He brought his lips to Sherlock's again, sliding his tongue across the consulting detective's bottom lip before pulling away with a softer, more humble smile. "You're my first. I've never even kissed a man before you." He confessed a slight blush on his cheeks.

                                "You're not my first kiss male or female, but you are the first I've wanted." Sherlock's voice was slightly pained and he swallowed hard again. He nervously licked his lips before letting his eyes smolder into John's. "You're the first I've wanted anything from, really." He let his nails gently scrape John's scalp as his hands found their way into his hair. "God it's like fire in my veins." He whispered, panting.  John gave a soft laugh but he leaned into Sherlock's touch, like a cat would.

                                "That's called desire, Sherlock." He teased before he stood up on his tip toes again. "That's exactly what desire is." He was speaking over Sherlock's lips, only an inch away. "Feels like you're on fire." He moved a hand to Sherlock's hair and gripped it tightly. "Like you can't even breathe and when you kiss or touch it feels like you're being shocked with electricity." Sherlock grunted and almost melted into John's touch, groaning deeply as he did.

                                "Yes that is definitely an accurate description of the sensations I am feeling." His breath made his chest heave as his eyes searched John's. He was losing control of his rational mind. "It's always felt that way when you touch me." He whispered, his cheeks coloring just slightly with pink. John smiled softly and loosened the grip on his hair.

                                "We don't touch often." He pointed out but he was still smiling. "But that's how I have felt when we touch... That's why I locked you out." He frowned not able to help from doing it. "I'm sorry, that was wrong of me. I should have just... I was scared I'm so sorry, Sherlock."  He moved his face into the man's chest and sucked in a breath. "I was confused and scared." Sherlock held john to him tightly, his fingers slipping under John's shirt and touching his skin.

                                "It's alright John, I... I know that this is different for both of us. But next time you do it I'm picking the lock. I can't..." A tense breath and a pounding heart, "I can't listen to you shout like that without holding you."He let his fingers slip up to make small circles on John's back. "Tell me what I can do, how can I help this be easier for you?" John shivered in a wonderful way once he actually felt Sherlock's fingers on his skin. He closed his eyes and placed his ear over his heart. It wasn't as rapid but the beats were still strong.

                                "It's already much easier. I'll be able to sleep now. You'll be there." At least John hoped it would be that way. He feared that he had tried to sleep without Sherlock for so long that him being near would no longer work. What if he was stuck with these awful nightmares? At the thought, he shuddered and held Sherlock's tighter. "I'll be fine now." He whispered, hoping it would be true.

                                "Yes, I will be there, even if I can't sleep." He conceded. "Though it will take me some time to figure out a way to not keep you awake when I cannot sleep," He let his nails brush over John's skin, cuddling him even closer. "Shall we go get more comfortable?" He whispered, motioning sort of widely to include the living room couch and the bedroom door. "You're tense." His voice was a whisper as he continued to run his hands over the warm skin, trying to soothe him. "You'll get better. These nightmares will go away."

                                "I-I'm not," John tried to argue with Sherlock. It was instinct. He didn't like admitting that there was something wrong with him. He was used to handling it by himself. That was how he was raised. He sighed not wanting to admit it out loud but he nodded. He pulled away from Sherlock and held onto his hand as he led him to _his_ bedroom. It was closer and John had honestly always wanted to be with Sherlock in his room. It was bigger. Once they were in the room he let go of Sherlock's hand to climb onto the bed. He collapsed and looked up at Sherlock with a grin. "I'm in your bed what are you going to do with me now?" He asked with a wink. Sherlock's brain short circuited for a moment and it would be easy to read on his face. A long silence followed John's words before the fire returned to Sherlock's eyes and he moved instantly, lithe and like a cat, until he was positioned over John, straddling both his knees, but holding his own weight above John. 

                                "You are and you need help relaxing, don't you?" Sherlock smirked. "There are a thousand and one things I could do to you now, John." He growled slightly, leaning down and fixing his mouth on John's neck right where his shoulder met his neck. "But if you ask questions like that, I may... Lose what little control I have left." He groaned loudly as the taste of John's skin met his lips. John could only watch with lust filled eyes as Sherlock crawled on top of him. He grinned up at his lover, utterly breathless and taken by him. At first, he thought they were just simply having fun teasing each other but then Sherlock's lips were on his neck and a gasp escaped him. That felt wonderful.   
                                "Relaxing isn't any fun if you're in control." He said with a smirk but his back arched when Sherlock started to kiss near his ear. He bit his lip to keep from moaning as he fell back onto the bed with a huff. "What do you want to do to me, Sherlock? I'm yours. I'm in your bed. Why don't you just lose control?" His leg twitched slightly against John's betraying utter nervousness. His eyes burned as he leaned up and looked John in the eyes.   
                                "Oh don't..." He groaned. "Don't encourage me," His fingers clawing at the buttons of John's shirt. "I could never forgive myself if I hurt you." He licked his own lips before kissing John. "I want to do everything to you and..." A small blush again. "I want you to repay the favor." 

                                "You would never hurt me," John said positively but then their lips were locked again and he could even think properly. "Oh, I would happily return the favor." He whispered as he touched his warm cheek. "I would repay the favor in any way you can think of." He brushed his lips over Sherlock's so gently it was more teasing than anything. Sherlock groaned and let some of his weight come down on John, kissing him more forcefully.   
                                "Off." He commanded, lifting up and almost ripping the shirt off of John. "I want to see you. I want to memorize you. Off!" John whimpered into the harder kiss, everything about this was utterly perfect. He didn't often let himself imagine what being with Sherlock would be like, but when he did, it was nothing compared to how this actually felt. He gasped when his shirt was practically torn off. He stared up at Sherlock lust filled eyes and a slight grin on his face. He moved, standing beside the bed and unbutton his trousers.

                                "Am I supposed to be doing this quickly?" He asked with a wicked smile. "Because I think I want to go very slowly just to tease you." He unzipped his pants as slowly as possible before licking his lips. Sherlock sat up and slowly undid his own shirt, throwing it on the floor before pinning John and his wrists to the bed.   
                                "No, not fast." He forced out, his brain clearly racing. He lowered his mouth back to John's kissing him hard before beginning to kiss down his jaw and neck, exploring his chest with his hands and lips. "Keep your arms at the side." He commanded. His entire attention focused on every movement, every sound, and every bit of John. John eyes went wide with surprise. He honestly had no idea Sherlock could be like this and it was a very pleasant surprise.

                                "I'm not allowed to touch you?" He asked with a chuckle. If Sherlock was serious he would most likely end up disobeying his order. "Sherlock, you can't ask me to do such an impossible thing." He said simply and he tried to move his hand to Sherlock's hair but once again he was pinned. John let out a laugh as he grinned at his lover. "It's going to be hard to leave my hands here but I'll try." He promised.

                                "You can touch me in a minute." Sherlock growled almost possessively as he explored John's torso, touching every mark, every scar. He watched every reaction. "Beautiful." John felt his cheeks warm and if he had his hands back he'd cover his face to try to hide the obvious blush there, but his hands were still partially pinned. He shook his head with shy smile. He honestly didn't see himself that way. He always thought he was decent, nothing more than that.  
                                "Nothing compared to you. You're like one of those Greek statues you see in museums. Absolutely perfect," Sherlock clicked his tongue slightly.   
                                "I'm just a man." He whispered, giving John back his free reign. "Every movement you make is exquisite. The way your eyes widen as you feel pleasure, the way your mouth shapes your moans, the quivering of your skin when my skin contacts it..." Sherlock groaned, shifting his hips slightly. "All of it so beautiful and so damn..." He kissed John hard.  "Touch me. I know you've wanted to. So do it." John didn't need to be told twice. The second he had permission he hands began to roam all over Sherlock's back. They were still kissing as he explored his chest and anywhere his hands could reach.

                                "If you're going to order me about, not letting me touch you just isn't fair." He whispered against his lips. "I have never been allowed to touch you like this before; don't take that privilege away from me, please." He flipped them over so he would be the one on top and for a moment he just stared at Sherlock's body. "Oh, you are absolutely gorgeous," He practically growled before he attacked his neck with nips and kisses.

                                "Oh John," His voice was throaty and full of lust as he groaned under John's touch. "I won't. God don't stop." His body rose to John's hands, begging for more. He simply melted under John's work, his face tight with confusion as he let the sensations flow through his body. "I've never..." He panted. "I've never been touched like this." He arched, digging his toes into the bed. "More please!" John had always sort of thought Sherlock was a virgin, that was why he was being extra careful with him. Nothing too rough… Well until later anyway. 

                                "I know, I know, don't worry darling I'll give you more." John breathed into his ear. He kissed his ear, sucking on the lobe for a moment as he moved his hands over that firm chest. "You're so beautiful," He hissed in a whisper as he began to rock his hips with Sherlock's just for some friction. "I'll do anything you ask so you better be careful what you wish for." He warned in a pant with a soft smile. Sherlock could not stop the shout that broke free of him as John pressed into him. He trembled, closing his eyes as the sensations from his body short circuited his mind. He clawed into John's back, desperate and needy. 

                                "John," His breath was ragged as he turned his eyes to meet his lovers. "Do with me what you will." He panted, half begging and half commanding him. I've... I can't think. My brain is just blank." He arched again, clawing John a bit harder. He was terrified but in a wonderful way.

                He'd never experienced the quiet of his mind like this. His entire body focused on the sensations that John was giving him, his eyes burning into John's as they pleaded for more, to feel more. It was better than any drug, better than anything he'd ever known. He grabbed a handful of John's hair and crushed their bodies together as he kissed him. John felt like he was on fire. He had never done anything like this. Of course he has had sex but never in his life was it filled with so much passion and love. That is what made it feel even better. He kissed Sherlock back as hard as he could, his hips moving even faster as he did. He was terrified he was doing it all wrong. At least with a woman he would know but because he had never done this with a man, he had no idea if he was doing things correctly or not. When they broke the kiss John lifted his hips and began kissing down the pale toned body.

                                "Don't think. You're precious with that look on your face." He finally reached Sherlock's navel and he kissed it a few times before nervously moving even lower. "Be gentle with me, I have no idea what I'm doing," He whispered shyly before licking the head of Sherlock's hot length.

                "JOHN!" He gasped, clawing the bed. "Fuck." He lost it, his rational brain shorting out yet again. "I won't know if you're doing anything wrong..." He forced out, arching into John, his toes again digging into the mattress. He clawed whatever he could reach, himself, the bed, and John before getting a grip on John's hair.  "Thinking is what I do..." He almost whined as he felt his brain short out again. "I really can't... Control my movements, I can't think... Christ." He was utterly lost in the moment, his face relaxed as his entire body trembled. His breath shook his chest and he trembled every time John touched him.  "Am... Am I okay?" He asked softly, blushing just slightly. "Do you like... What you see?" He was utterly embarrassed at the neediness in his voice, ashamed that he needed John's approval. But he didn't apologize; he just compromised by looking sheepish. John was amazed that he could get that sort of reaction from Sherlock. He had never done this before in his life but Sherlock seemed to think he was doing a good job, judging by the way his back arched and his _fucking_ erotic moans.  
                                "Don't worry about thinking, Sherlock. It's okay not to think. Just let go, love."  John was sucking on the head of Sherlock's cock when he asked that adorably telling question. He stopped sucking, a soft smile on his face as he gazed up at the god-like man in front of him. "I love what I see, Sherlock." He promised and he moved his hands to stroke Sherlock's thighs while he continued to lick at the long length in front of his face. "You're skin is like marble. You’re so soft that I could run my hand over any part of your body and it would make want to cuddle up next to you. You're stunning and perfect and I am truly lucky that no one else has seen you like this because if they did, they would never want to give you up. Just like I will never give you up... I love you so much." He placed a few kisses to Sherlock's stomach before he began to try to take more into his mouth. Sherlock groaned loudly, dissolving into the moment.

                                "Oh God John, that feels so amazing." He blushed slightly. "It's been a very long time since I have been stimulated like this. I," He grunted. "I have been the only one to touch myself there and it has been since I was a teenager." He whispered the confession, blushing again. "I love you John." He sat up some to watch John, to observe how he touched Sherlock's body and what reactions he seemed to give. Reading in every movement what he was feeling. His mouth opened, running his tongue over the expanse of his lips. His head slammed back against the bed as he moaned louder. "I want you always beside me."

                                "I love you too, Sherlock." John said sweetly. "But you better get used to me touching you here because I have no plans on stopping." He grinned before he took him into his mouth again. He felt like he was doing an alright job. He had learned a few things watching girls do it. 'If that's where you want me then that is where I'll be. Always," He breathed before he crawled up Sherlock's body just so he could kiss him hard on the mouth. "I love you so much and all I want to do is make sure you're happy and you have everything you want.

                                "I hope your estimation of my skills holds out when it's my turn to touch you." Sherlock whispered into his mouth before he let his mouth again meet John's neck. "You're doing fine, stop worrying so much. It's hard to let you own me when your thoughts are banging around the room." He grinned, grinding into John's hand.

                                "Oh, you've already touched me some and I was putty in your hands, I know I will love it." He smiled when Sherlock's lips found his neck again. "God, you're good at that." He panted. "I'm sorry, I can't help it." He said with a sly grin. "Pleasing you is my main goal right now." He crawled down Sherlock's body again so he could wrap his lips around his cock. "Mmm," He hummed. "You taste wonderful. I was worried I wouldn't like doing this, but I love it. I love making you feel good, Sherlock." He took even more into his mouth, gripping Sherlock's hips tightly just to make sure he didn't buck into his mouth. 

                                "Oh, God." He whispered again, digging his toes into the bed again. "You're very good at it. Touch me more, please. I wasn't worried; I saw how you looked at me. You're really..." He moved against John's grip, shifting slightly. "If you keep that up I'm not going to be able to hold back." John did as asked, he moved his hands up Sherlock's chest and pinched one his nipples. He grinned when Sherlock's back arched.

                                "Don't. Don't hold back. I want you to feel good, Sherlock. Don't hold back on me, please? Just let go for me, please." He gave him a look he knew the detective wouldn't be able to resist, a slight pout on his lips and wide pleading eyes. He had never pulled this look with Sherlock before; only because there was never need, but he was sure it would work on him now.  

                                "What is that?" He demanded as John gave him that look. "God that is amazing." He arched again. "It feels like fire is building in my hips, a dull ache." He muttered, describing how he felt because he didn't know what else to do. "I feel like I'm going to explode." His eyes fluttered closed as he bit his lip, moaning John's name.

                                "What is what?" John asked, faking innocence. Then he wrapped his lips around Sherlock's length, he took him as deeply as he could manage. He was almost choking but he didn't care. He wanted to show his lover how wonderful sex could be when you were in love. Then he felt Sherlock's entire body tense from his head to his toes before relaxing as his hot seed spill into his mouth. On instinct he swallowed the massive load that came out of his starved lover. Once Sherlock finally stopped he pulled his lips way to grin at him. "You have been holding that one if for too long, Sherlock."    

                                "J-John..." He panted, clawing him, trying to pull him up so he could kiss him. "Oh fucking..." His toes dug hard into the bed, his entire body just an instrument for John to play. "Saving it for you," He said, smiling as he tried to be charming. He brushed his hair back off his head waiting for the wave of orgasm to pass so he could enact many of the things racing through his brain. "Incredible…" John's hair was a mess from how often Sherlock had been gripping it, he noticed that it looked rough and untidy but he didn't care at all. He moved to lay next to his sweaty, gorgeous, perfect lover but he kept a hand over his hardness to make sure Sherlock wouldn't worry about it while he was trying to catch his breath. "Oh, well, thank you. It was honestly wonderful." He pressed his lips to Sherlock's cheek while his free hand began to stroke Sherlock's chest soothingly.

                                "You are incredible," John said with a smirk. "I'm glad you think so too," he teased, rubbing his nose into the curly mess of hair. 

                                "I meant you." He rolled slightly so he was over John and covered him in kisses. "It's no wonder everyone thinks you're my controller, with the way you expertly handled me." He grinned, nuzzling into John's neck. "Thank you for coming inside and being brave." John smiled brightly but still kept his aching length covered with his hand. There was no way he was ruining this sweet moment because he hadn't got off yet.

                                "People think that?" John asked with amazement but he couldn't help but let out a giggle as Sherlock continued to nuzzle his neck. It honestly tickled but he didn't want Sherlock to know that. "Thank you for saying those three words that got me inside."

                                "Yes Lestrade insists on it." He kissed over his jaw. "I want to feel you like you felt me. Then I want to wrap around you and make you forget to go to work tomorrow." He pleaded, much like a spoiled child. "Your need is burning in your eyes." John rolled his eyes at the mention of Lestrade who he still felt some resentment for.

                                "Of course he would." John mumbled, but he tried to relax and forgot about Lestrade completely. It wasn't very hard to do considering what Sherlock said next. He grinned. "You're such a child." He teased. "You can honestly see how badly I want you in my eyes?" John asked curiously. He shook his head doubtfully. "What you're seeing his glimmer, you could never truly see just how much I want you." 

                                "I could. That tightened expression, sparkling eyes, and a desperate ache gnawing at you." He whispered against his ear. His hands sliding over John, trying to ease his tension, "I want to try." He whispered, suckling on John's neck before biting lightly. John let out a whimper as he felt Sherlock's hand on him, he relaxed into him, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around his back.

                                "I do need you. But I'm sure you can feel how just how much I need you now." He chuckled and left a few kisses on his shoulder. He touched every inch of John's length with intense focus and unbridled passion, following his hands down and examining first by hand and then with his mouth. He grunted John's name before dipping his head and taking as much of him as he could into his mouth, working slowly but his unsteady and clumsy beginnings melting into focused perfection as he learned what John liked best.  
                                "Look at you..." He purred. "Begging me to let you feel good," He returned to his work, moaning loudly. At first John honestly felt like he had control. He was keeping his moans in, but still he whimpered and whined but it was better than moaning. But soon, Sherlock was getting even better with his mouth. He started to moan, unable to keep it any longer. Sherlock was much better at this than he was. He observed and he learned things much quicker than John ever could.

                                "Oh- Ohh, Sherlock!" He moaned his back arching. He sat up, looking down at Sherlock as he moved a hand to his hair. "Please... Oh God... Please, Sherlock!" He begged as he fell back onto the bed. John wasn't even sure what he was begging for. He just knew he needed more. He didn't know of what. He just needed something more. Sherlock slowly pulled his mouth off John, looking up at him. He crawled up and kissed him roughly, searching his eyes.   
                                "What do you need?" He pleaded, letting his hand stroke John slowly so as not to lose the moment. "I want to give you everything you want." John couldn't even begin to think properly he kissed Sherlock back as hard as he could, having to pull away to moan.   
                                "I don't know," John panted feeling like such an idiot. He blushed and hid his face in Sherlock's shoulder. "I just want more of you, I don't know how I just need you." His arms wrapped around Sherlock and clung to him. "I... I've never done this with a man before so I have no idea how things really work. May-Ah... Maybe w-we could try... sex?" He asked shyly.   Sherlock blushed but just barely.   
                                "I should... I should warn you..." He looked absolutely flustered. "I did research the necessary... Methods. I wanted to be..." He was fighting his pride, lowering his voice to a whisper against John's ear. "I wanted to be sure I understood how to best please you, if you wanted me." He kissed John's ear before nibbling on it slightly. "Have you ever been touched there?" John smiled softly when he saw Sherlock, blushing. He moved a hand to his cheek and gazed into his eyes. He was even more beautiful when he blushed. It was almost not even noticeable but John could see the tiny flush under his skin. He shivered once those sweet words were whispered in his ear. He had never had anyone do such a thing for him. No one had made as great of an effort as Sherlock. He moved his hand to the back of Sherlock's curly hair where he started to run his fingers through it.   
                                "No," he whispered shyly. "I mean... No one but me and that's rarely." His own cheeks were turning slightly red at this. "Is that okay? My lack of experience?" He laughed nervously, hiding his face in Sherlock's shoulder. Sherlock laughed softly against John. Still trying to let his mind fully wrap around the moment.   
                                "We both are inexperienced, John. You have more than I do. I simply studied what I could. You are everything to me and I wanted to be perfect for you. It's all I have wanted since we met." He slowly extracted himself from their embrace reaching into the drawer of his bedside table and retrieving a bottle of lubricant and a condom, placing them on the bed before returning to kiss his lover. “I... Must admit I am nervous though. I don't want to hurt you." His lips brushed John's as he spoke.

                                "With women. That's different." John said with a chuckle as he watched Sherlock grab what they would need from his table. He swallowed hard, his nerves starting to reappear. He kissed Sherlock back softly, trying to keep calm.  "I don't think you'll hurt me not as badly as I've accidentally hurt myself anyway," He chuckled and smiled into the next soft kiss. "I'm just nervous that it will be so painful that I can't enjoy it." He mumbled. "And it won't be your fault if it's painful, anal sex is always painful at first."

                                "When?" Sherlock demanded, his voice full of primal lust. "What made you want to touch yourself there?" He ran his hands over his lover moaning softly. It was clear he enjoyed John's body. "I will be careful, if you want to stop just say so." He dipped his head again claiming John's mouth as his hand toyed with John's thighs. John smiled as he watched Sherlock's long fingers run over his body. He loved seeing Sherlock enjoy what he thought was just a decent body with the type lust John thought people had for extremely good looking people. The way Sherlock moaned while he touched him made him think that he may be better than just decent looking. 

                                "I was a teenager. I was curious. I didn't do it much because it hurt so much. Everyone now again I would try, it still hurt. But I think I was doing it wrong. Last time I tried it was as few months ago. Honestly, I was thinking about you even though I tried to lie to myself and say I wasn't." 

                                "Me?" Sherlock's voice betrayed his surprise. "I think it will be different this time." He whispered. He gently slicked some of the lube on his fingers and over John, groaning as John responded to his touch. He lowered back down and took John in his mouth as he ringed the opening with a careful finger, exploring and watching. "I want to make you feel better than you imagined. Tell me what to do, John." He watched Sherlock with focus and lust in his eyes. He gasped once he actually felt a finger inside him. It hurt a bit. Burned mostly but it wasn't as bad as the times where he tried this by himself.

                                "Just... Curl your finger a bit? It always felt sort of good when I tried that myself." As soon as he spoke the words Sherlock did it and John let out a moan, surprising himself. "Oh dear God do that again!" He begged. 

                Sherlock turned his entire focus to the task, his eyes burning with intensity as he absorbed every detail of his work. He sat up slightly, focused entirely on his finger entering John and retreating slowly. He moved only a little, responding to every change of John's breath, every moan, every twitch. He was incredibly aware of how aroused he was again but he ignored it in favor of studying John the way he studied crime scenes. No detail missed. His curls fell against damp cheeks, sweat on his brow as he poured every bit of emotion he could into the moment. John was his, he was John's. That was all he needed. John kept moaning and gasping, amazed that Sherlock knew how to make this feel so good. He sat up on his elbows, making sure he could actually see what Sherlock was doing. He wanted to remember this. Wanted to remember that gorgeous focused look on his face. Wanted to remember the way even though Sherlock was focused he would remember to look up and smile. And he wanted to be damn sure he never forgot the way his curls stuck to his face because of the sweat.

                                "Put in another finger," John pleaded moving a hand to Sherlock's damp hair. "Please." He stroked his hair lovingly.

                                "Not just yet." He whispered, kissing John's hand softly so he could show he did intend to. "The..." That same blush as he tried not to let himself be embarrassed. "What I studied said to go slowly." He continued for a few minutes, experimenting with motions and depth before slowly, gently adding a second finger. "Tell me John. Tell me how it feels." He almost pleaded, needing to hear what he himself couldn't feel. "Look at your face, so beautiful." He murmured, clawing the bed slightly with his other hand before slowly reaching up to stroke over John's pleading erection. "I have  _ached_  to touch you this way. To see you so uninhibited." His tongue darted out across his lips before his focus returned to his fingers and the movements they were making. He moaned softly.

                                "You are going slowly," John tried to argue but he knew Sherlock was right. "What exactly did you study? Porn?" He asked with an amused smile. He gasped when the second finger was added. It honestly didn't hurt that badly. "Oh, oh Sherlock. It feels fucking fantastic." He told him in almost a growl. "Ah. Ah. Fuck, Sherlock. You're not so bad yourself." He said with a weak grin. His arms finally went weak and he had to lay his back on the bed. "I started imagining doing this with you, a lot more than usual, when you... Oh god... When you would get into bed with me... I would think about it and that's why I couldn't let you sleep with me anymore. I... I didn't want you to know how badly you affected me." 

                                "I already knew." He whispered, moving a bit faster. "I studied articles and videos, so yes I suppose some of it was porn. Dreadful stuff really." He groaned again, hearing the desire in John's words. "The reactions your skin has when I touch it... You're so sensitive to my touch." He moaned loudly, almost desperately. "You make me lose control John." He worked a little faster, desperate to see John come apart. He licked his lips again, gently clawing into John's legs as he moved his fingers, spreading John open carefully and slowly.

                                "I'm yours, Sherlock. Of course my body reacts when you touch me," John said, practically whimpering with lust. He arched his back once more once he felt Sherlock's fingers brush over a very sensitive spot. "Oh Sherlock!" He moaned loudly. "I won't apologize for it if this is what you do to me every time you lose control... Oh fuck Sherlock, hit that spot again." He begged. His entire focus bore down again on his work as he gently toyed with touching the spot that made John move like that. Immediately he was trying different ways of touching it, varying the speed of his fingers, and the angle all to learn and memorize exactly what made John react the most.  
                                "I haven't fully lost it yet. Otherwise I think I might have..." He groaned, his face betraying how much he was enjoying his work and how much he truly loved John despite his nerves and lack of understanding of love. "Well I might have thrown you against the table and claimed you when you came in." Slowly, very carefully he added a third finger. Stretching the opening and caressing the spot that made John crazy. "I want to own you, body and soul." His breath shook as he whispered. John was utterly amazed, how quickly Sherlock learned how to pleasure him was mind blowing. He never been this stimulated before in all his life. His length was dripping and aching, his entire body was flushed with a slight shade of red, his hair was a completely mess and some sweat was starting to appear on his body.   
                                "Oh God, you really must promise me we'll do that too. That sound... Ah fuck, that sounds perfect." He sat up on his elbows again, moving a hand to Sherlock's hair. "Can we try now? Can you get inside me? I feel really stretched already, let's just try." He pleaded as he moved the hand to Sherlock's cheek. "Ah Oh God, I don't know if I can take you hitting that spot over and over again with just your fingers. I want you inside me, Sherlock." He begged. "If you want to own me, you better claim me. Mark me with hickeys so everyone knows I belong to Sherlock Holmes," he grinned at his lover. That need, the desperate sound of John's voice made him snap. He clicked open the lube and slid a fair amount over himself, gently pressing himself against John. He was panting hard, desperate to claim his lover. He went as slow as he could, only leaning over when he was buried inside John.   
                                "Oh God!" He shouted. "I... You are mine!" He attacked John's chest and neck. There was no other word for it other than an attack. He moved his hips slowly, warming him up until it became comfortable enough to increase the speed. He kissed and bit John's chest and neck, one hand buried in his hair. "God you are so tight! John, tell me." He panted, commanding him. "Tell me how it feels." John didn't know just begging like that could get him what he wanted. He needed to remember that for next time. He shut his eyes tight as Sherlock slid inside him.

                                "Oh good God!" He moaned because despite the slight pain he was because it felt more pleasurable than painful. "Oh, I've never had anything so deep inside me," He panted, wrapping his arms around Sherlock and clinging to him. "Oh-Ah I-I'm..yours!" John agreed as he watched Sherlock attack his chest with his lips and teeth. "Oh Fuck, Sherlock!" He moaned, his back arching as Sherlock's mouth covered his nipple. "It-It hurts just a bit... The pleasure outweighs the pain though.. It feels really good. You're making me feel wonderful, Sherlock."

                Sherlock's breath was ragged, he growled slightly in a very primal way as he latched his mouth onto the sensitive spot of John's neck where it met his shoulder and poured his attention onto the skin there. It would be very bruised by the time he was done. He moved his hips, groaning John's name into his neck before lifting up and arching as his body shook.   
                                "Fuck," He swore softly, clawing into John's hips to pull him closer. "I don't know where you start and I end." He panted, leaning down to claim John's mouth. "Come apart for me, John. Show me what I do to you. Please!" His body moved almost completely on its own, his face betrayed all of the feelings he was feeling. Pure lust, love, need, and desperation. His body trembled already close to the peak of another orgasm. He moved faster as John's body let him, his nails digging hard into John's hips. John was a panting moaning mess. He was practically shaking with lust under Sherlock. The pain had faded away a long time ago and now all he felt was pure bliss.

                                "You're gorgeous, Sherlock," He panted as the taller man pulled him closer. He could see all the emotion on his face and it was one of the most beautiful things John had ever seen. "You're so beautiful." He murmured before their lips met. He moaned into the kiss the hands wrapped around Sherlock were starting to leave slight scratches on his back but John was enjoying this too much to care. "Oh, Oh, Sherlock, harder!" He begged as he tried to thrust himself harder down onto his lover. "I-I'm so close, please, please, harder!" He begged desperately. "I feel like I'm so close to just... Ah... Oh God, Sherlock,  _Please_! Please fuck me harder!"  The feel of John's nails in his skin sent Sherlock beyond reason. He slammed into John as hard as he could, all fumbling hands, grunts, growls, and feeling. His nails drug tracks over John's hips as sweat dripped from his brow.   
                                "Oh God John!" He shouted, savagely grabbing John into a kiss as he trembled and released hard, not stopping until John had crested the wave of his own release and fallen over. "Come apart for me! Now!" He growled into John's ear before kissing him. When John released Sherlock claimed his noises with kisses, stealing his breath and absorbing the moment into himself. "O-oh..." He panted, still kissing John.

                John was a trembling mess even after he had come down from his orgasm. He tried to kiss Sherlock back but every kiss he gave was weak and messy as he panted. His ears were ringing because of how powerful his release was.   
                                "T-that... Was the most... Amazing... Oh god... Amazing thing I have ever felt." John said, giggling softly. He still had his arms around Sherlock but his grip had relaxed a great deal now. He gave another giggle before moving his lips to Sherlock's ear and kissing it sweetly. "Thank you, that was fantastic, love. Really." Sherlock slowly pulled out of John, collapsing next to and against him panting for breath.  
                                "Oh God John..." He whispered, a shaking hand snaking over his lover. "That was incredible, so much more than I expected." He buried his head against John's next in both a cute cuddly and rather embarrassed way. A sudden wave of emotion rolling through him. His breath against John's ear. "Promise me that you will remember I love you, even if I behave normally. I..." There was fear in his voice, he was afraid of making a mistake. "I have no idea what I am doing and if mess up..." John smiled at all the beautiful emotion he could see on his lover's face. He had never seen Sherlock like this. So deeply affected by his emotions. The second he heard the fear in his voice his smile faded.

                                "Hey, shush. Don't start talking like that." He whispered as he brought a hand to the back of Sherlock's hair and stroked it sweetly. "I know you love me. I could never forget such an beautiful, fantastic thing. " He kissed Sherlock's cheek lovingly and then nuzzled it with his nose. "Don't forget that I love you.”

                                "I could never forget that. It is written in everything you do." He whispered, moving into each touch John gave him. "I am just afraid. This is all unfamiliar and well, I am sure you can recall all of the ever so pleasant things I have said about sentiment." There was a smile in his voice along with tiredness. "I don't deserve you John, but I am glad you don't care."

                                "I don't deserve you either, love. But I really am happy you haven't noticed." He kissed his cheek once more. "Are you tired?" He asked as his fingers still ran through his hair. "If you aren't too tired we could go take a quick shower." He whispered into his ear before kissing it gently.

                                "Oh, yes. We should, shouldn't we?" Sherlock smiled and spoke very softly. He felt very childish. "Tell me how you feel?" He asked, blushing. He needed the descriptions, he need it to put words to what he himself was feeling. He slowly sat up, moving to pull John up.

John smiled as he was pulled up. He thought for a moment as they walked toward the bathroom with their hands intertwined.  

                                "I feel...extremely happy and blissful." He decide as he watched Sherlock turn on the water. "Warm and fuzzy too." He added with a slight blush.

                                "Are you hurting at all?" His voice was still soft, his mind split between the moment and whatever internal battle he was waging. "Warm and fuzzy," He spoke after a long moment, rolling the words around in his mouth as he murmured them over and over. "Yes, that's very accurate." He smiled, he'd never showered with John before but he could already tell he would from now on. He watched how John reacted to everything, cataloging every moment and movement. Sherlock opened his own shampoo, knowing it was much higher quality than John's - pouring a small amount in his hands and lathering it before gently massaging it into John's scalp. "I'm going to take care of you John. In every way." John had honestly tried to hide the slight pain he was in but not being able to lie to Sherlock, he nodded.

                                "A tiny bit of pain. But I'll be okay." He assured Sherlock as they stepped into the shower. He leaned into Sherlock touch when he began washing his hair. "I haven't had anyone wash my hair since I was a kid," He giggled. John inhaled the smell of the shampoo and shivered. It smelled just like Sherlock's hair. "I've always loved the way you smell after you shower." He confessed. At Sherlock's promise to take care of him, he blushed. "Why are you so interested in taking care of me? I want to take care of you too, Sherlock." He insisted before he brought his lips to his lover's jaw. "I am a Doctor, I can take care of you. I'm also your blogger, and your lover so yeah, I'm taking care of you too." He grinned. Sherlock groaned deeply as John kissed over his jaw, momentarily losing his focus on his task. He regained himself and continued to work the soap though his hair before gently massaging water through it to rinse the soap away.

                                "You always take care of me. You have since you first walked into my life." He blushed a bit. "Always making sure I took care of myself, watching out for me when I was caught up in the case, and making sure I stayed occupied. You're the strongest person I've ever met, John." He leaned in and kissed John fully, sweeping him into his arms.

                                "Anything that is mine is yours, except my skull." He grinned.

                                "I don't want your skull," John said with a chuckle. "I just want you." He stood up on the tips of his toes and rubbed their wet noses together. He kissed him once more before pulling out of Sherlock's arms to  grab the shampoo. "My turn to wash that mop of hair." He teased as he poured some into his hands and began scrubbing the dark mess of curls. "I would say that anything I own is yours too but it's basically been that way since I moved in." He giggled. Sherlock leaned down some to make John's work easier but chuckled when he made his comment.   
                                "I would apologize but you would know I don't mean it. I suppose it was one way I was trying to show you I cared." He moaned softly as John worked, again just melting under his touch. He would never admit it out loud but he was desperate for each touch John gave him, having gone so much of his life refusing to let anyone touch him. John smiled softly as he started to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. He could feel Sherlock leaning into his touch which only made him want to touch him more. He grabbed some soap and poured into his hands.

                                "Well, at the time I just thought you liked stealing my stuff." He said with a laugh as he began running his soapy hands over his body. "I better make sure you get every part of you clean, don't want you to be dirty do we?" He grinned. He groaned softly, letting John guide him. He closed his eyes, humming in satisfaction.   
                                "John, you are so... Amazing." He gently ran his hands over John's chest. "No, I need to be clean. Doctor's orders, right?" John smiled softly, it was clear to see how much Sherlock was enjoying this. It made him feel wonderful, knowing his simple touch could make Sherlock feel good.

                                "Yes, doctor's orders. I'm surprised you're willing to follow doctor's orders now." He teased, running his hands down Sherlock's back and then a little lower with a cheeky grin. "You need to be clean there too."  Sherlock's breath hitched and he groaned, his nails lightly digging into John's chest.   
                                "I always listen to your orders, I am simply more interested in complying at the moment." He leaned forward and kissed John. "The feel of your fingers on my skin is like pure electricity." He whispered, his eyes still closed. John felt his cheeks warm a bit. It was still amazing he could have such an effect on someone. He had girlfriends before and none of them ever reacted the way Sherlock did.  
                                "I wish you were always so willing to comply, we'd keep the flat clean if you were," He teased pecking his lips. He let his eyes move to his own chest where he could see slight red marks from Sherlock's scratching. "That feels really nice, Sherlock." He whispered a bit shyly. John kept staring at his chest were he saw a few hickeys. He grinned and wondered how purple his neck must look because Sherlock had spent extra time there. "You marked me everywhere," He said with a giggle.

                                "You told me to." He smiled. "You are mine, now everyone will know. The flat is okay..." He leaned against John, his face turned into his neck. "Touch me more, please..." John blushed at the thought, he wouldn't be able to hide the hickey on his neck. That embarrassed and excited him.

                                "Oh, I'm sorry, I got distracted." John said with a nervous laugh as he began to run his hands over Sherlock's body again. "I like touching you. You're skin is just so soft." He whispered. 

                                "I try to keep it that way." He whispered, moaning softly. "You look beautiful, marked like that. So beautiful..." He murmured, kissing John's neck and snuggling into him more.

                                "It's very lovely, I love it. Running my hands across your body is just so easy."  He smiled softly when he heard the low moan come from Sherlock. "Thank you but you're the beautiful one, my love." He hummed. He smiled even more when Sherlock started to ravish his neck with soft kisses, "We're never going to get out of this shower, are we?"  Sherlock's low laugh rumbled against John's neck.   
                "We will have to eventually. Are you in a hurry to be somewhere?" He didn't move, stopping his actions and just resting against John feeling their skin touching. "I never knew being touched like this was so nice. I love it when you touch me."

                                "No, I like being in here... I just think I need to lay down." He blushed a bit as he continued to move his hands across Sherlock's toned back. He didn't want to admit he felt a bit sore. "I better be the only one who gets to touch you like this," John said with a giggle. He playful bit Sherlock's shoulder. "You're mine, Holmes. No one else gets to touch you this way." Sherlock moaned softly.   
                                "I love it when you take command." He grinned. "Come on, we can cuddle in the bed." He whispered, pressing a kiss to John's cheek. He pulled out of their embrace very slowly, grabbing John's towel to dry him off once the water was turned off. "But you had better not plan on going anywhere tomorrow. Least of all work." He smirked.

                                "Work, Christ, I do have to work tomorrow don't I?" He asked, he scratched his wet head. "I'll just call in sick." He said with a bright smile and shrug. "They can deal without me for one day." He took the towel from Sherlock and began drying the taller man off. He finally got to his hair and rubbed it messily through his hair. When he pulled the towel away and giggle at the sight of Sherlock's fluffed hair.   
                                "You look adorable," He teased and when Sherlock tried to do the same thing to him he gave a yelp and ran into the bedroom. "No, I don't want to look like you, poofy hair." He teased as he crawled into the bed, hiding under the covers. Sherlock laughed hard as John scurried away and he took a few minutes to straighten up the bathroom and try to fix his hair. He waltzed out of the bathroom and into the flat, still stark naked, fetching them both some water. He moved confidently about even though he was still amazed at all that happened.  
                                "Yes, you said you had work. I was going to make you late either way as I wanted your company." He wormed his way under the covers, easily conforming his body to John's and kissed his neck. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

                                "Don't be sorry," John whispered turning in Sherlock's arms so he could wrap his arms around his lover too. He kissed Sherlock lips gently. "I'm just a little sore. It was bound to happen. Hell, that means you did a really good job." He grinned and kissed him once more.

                                "Well next time maybe you can take me."He grinned. "If you can handle me." Sherlock ran his fingers through John's hair, sighing happily. "If I can't sleep I will stay here and hold you all night. No more nightmares." His voice was barely audible. John chuckled.

                                "Oh I plan too."  He playful gave a nip at Sherlock bottom lip before kissing it sweetly.  Then at the subject of his nightmares and he frowned. He didn't want to have anymore. They were all bloody and awful. Sometimes they weren't even about the war. Sometimes they were terrible dreams about Sherlock dying. He hugged Sherlock tighter, "Maybe I'll just stay awake." He mumbled, hiding his face in his chest. "I don't want to sleep." 

                                "Don't fear the dreams, love." Sherlock whispered slightly, tightening around John. "You aren't alone. Whatever danger there is we will face it together. We live on the edge of the dark but our love will always keep us strong." He was blushing but his words came from his heart. "They are a sign you are strong enough to live." John felt his heart swell at those words. He had never heard anything so romantic and comforting in his entire life. He pressed his lip against Sherlock's for a long gentle kiss.

                                "I love you, so much." He whispered, his voice cracking a bit because he was close to tears. "You make it all go away, so easily."

                                "I love you," Sherlock whispered in reply, not entirely sure what he did that made John react the way he did - so he observed everything he could to try to process it. "I will always try to protect you. I know I haven't always been great at that but I will try to be better. Please, you are so tired..." He ran his hands through John's hair, trying to comfort and calm him. "I won't disappear." John gave a sniff trying to keep from crying. It was stupid. He shouldn't be crying just because he felt loved. That was foolish. He rubbed his tired eyes, a few tears slipping out.

                                "Okay." He whispered. "You're here." He mumbled mostly as a reminder to himself. He shut his eyes and kissed him one more time. "You need to rest too."  He insisted, as gently rubbed Sherlock's back. 

                                "It's alright to cry." Sherlock whispered, nuzzling his nose and mouth against John's ear and tightening his hold on him. "I will rest but I don't know that I can sleep. I am too busy in my mind." He ran his fingers gently over John's back, trying to soothe him.

                                "I'm not crying anymore, I was just doing it because I was... Happy mostly." He assured Sherlock. He relaxed into his touch, taking a few deep breaths to try to ease his rapid beating heart. "Okay, If you can't sleep, just try to relax." He ordered with a soft smile.

                                "Yes doctor," Sherlock smiled. He didn't know why but he had an idea that might calm John, so he started speaking softly to him. "Do you know that I loved you from the first moment I saw you." His voice was soft, it's usual baritone even gentler than usual. "I so wanted to impress you at St. Bart's, which is why I tried to tell you everything about your life. I was so embarrassed that I was wrong about your sister but you still thought I was brilliant. I couldn't honestly admit how I felt until later. After everything I'd put you through you were still there, night after night, beside me in the face of danger and evil. You have proven to be one of the strongest people I have ever known, if not the strongest. These nightmares, these fears that haunt you will pass. You will continue to grow stronger each day as you have been since you came into my life, and I will continue to become better for your presence here." 

                John had tried to stay awake to listen to Sherlock's story but he was just so tired. He fell asleep when his lover began talking about how strong he was. John had wanted to say goodnight or, I love you, but he had already drifted off. Holding Sherlock close and for once not dreaming about a single thing. He was at peace for the first time in months. Sherlock had given him his peace back. Sherlock tightened his arms around John, letting the silence fill the room as he simply snuggled against his lover. It didn't take long before the warmth of finally having his blogger, his doctor, his lover against him lulled him into a deep and peaceful slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hesitate to leave comments, kudos, or send us prompts! We love writing!


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